ASW
"Not
So Famous Quotes"
To
go forward, you must backup. The cardinal rule of computing.
Programming
today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger
and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots.
If
it wasn't backed-up, then it wasn't important.
E-mail
When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the
speed of light.
One
thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up
in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
If
you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but
tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very
expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize
it.
The
question of whether computers can think is just like the question
of whether submarines can swim.
Computers
will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than
the estimate the job will cost.
In
all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone,
somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks
help alleviate that fear.
Computer
dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Computers
can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the
world that just don't add up.
The
great thing about a notebook computer is that no matter how much
you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Like
car accidents, most computer hardware problems are due to driver
error.
A
computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want
it to do.
The
most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they
foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A
computer is like an Old Testament god, a lot of rules and no mercy.
Men
are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell.
Data
is flying around across and through your computer at speeds faster
than you can imagine, but none of this technology let you go home
one minute early.
Internet
research is like fumbling in the dark for the right switches.
Once you've turned the light on everyone can see.
The
Internet is mightier than the pen.
An
idiot with a computer is a faster and better idiot.
People
are illogical, unreasonable and self-centred. Trust only your
computer.
A
URLologist is a doctor that fixes broken websites.
A
complex computer system that works is invariably found to have
evolved from a simple computer system that worked.
Computers
are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Do
something unusual today. Accomplish work on your computer.
Whom
computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
Want
to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window.
A
program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error
messages.
A
user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
I
once had a life... now I have a computer.
If
you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
At
the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you
will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming
it on the computer.
Every
program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least
one instruction - from which, by induction, one can deduce that
every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't
work.
An
elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Computers
follow your orders, not your intentions.
I
haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on a floppy somewhere.
No
computer should be more complicated than it need be.
Are
computers addictive? No, they just take all the time you are willing
to give them.
A
computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention
in human history.
Too
many clicks spoil the browse.
Managing
software programmers is like herding cats.
Know
what to expect before you connect.
A
journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
A
web surfer and his leisure time are soon parted.
The
only pieces of data you will ever lose, are the ones you were
going to save, just as soon as you finished typing a couple more
lines.
Give
a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the
Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Computer
Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computer
"Uptime" is a dimension of interval in which a computer
works & produces errors quickly and efficiently.
Its
not that I'm intimidated by computers, I just don't like being
outsmarted by a household appliance!
"To
err is human. To really screw things up takes a computer."
A
"Cursor" What you turn into when you can't get your
computer toperform, as in "You $#% computer!"
Nothing
looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a
17 inch or larger SVGA monitor.
A
printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper
tray, and the blinking red light.
Backup
-- something that all computer users should do often but never
find time to do.
Multitasking,
screwing up several things at once.
A
better word processor is one that would correct spelling, grammar,
and opinion.
Default
directory is where all the files that you need disappear to.
The
probability of anything going wrong is in inverse proportion to
its desirability.
Any
sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
If
at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being
a fool about it.
In
a software manual, any simple idea will be worded in the most
complicated way.
"HELP"
is a feature that assists in generating more questions.
A
user and his leisure time are soon parted.
"State
Of The Art" is any computer you can't afford.
Computers
make very accurate and very fast mistakes.
The
value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
A
mouse is an advanced input device used to make computer errors
easier to generate.
Software
never has bugs, it just develops random features.
All
computers wait at the same speed.
